The Psychology Behind Why You Shouldn’t Believe All of Your Thoughts.
We have thousands of thoughts each day, most of them automatic and habitual, shaped by past experiences and old stories we’ve picked up along the way. When your mind whispers, “I’m not good at this” or “they probably don’t like me”, it doesn’t always feel like just a thought. It feels like a fact.
This month’s journal will guide you to see your thoughts in a new light. In time, you may begin to notice something different emerging; an awareness that helps you step back and observe, rather than automatically believe everything your mind tells you.
The Why
Our brains are incredible at making sense of a complex world. Every second, they process more information from our environment than we can consciously handle. To manage this flood of data, the brain relies on built-in systems and quick automatic filters that help us navigate life without becoming overwhelmed.
The Reticular Activating System, a network of nerves in the brain, helps filter what information comes into our conscious awareness. It acts like a “gatekeeper,” letting in important information - usually based on what we already believe or care about. If you believe people are judging you, your brain will unconsciously notice signs, a glance, a pause, a message left unread.
This selective attention can amplify confirmation bias — our tendency to notice information that supports our existing beliefs, while overlooking any evidence that contradicts them. If your story is “I’m not good enough”, you’ll spot moments that back it up. Neutral feedback can sound like criticism. You notice the stumbles more than the strides. One rejection can feel heavier than a hundred wins. Even when there's more than enough evidence that you are good enough, your brain tends to tune it out.
On top of this, we carry a negativity bias, which means we’re hardwired to look for negative information, a survival instinct that makes us pay more attention to danger or what feels wrong. It’s why awkward moments replay in our minds, criticism lingers, and worries spiral. This bias helped keep our ancestors alive because the threats they faced were intense (like a predator) but sporadic. Nowadays, threats are commonly psychological and constant: a blunt email from your boss, being stuck in traffic, or running late. This ongoing stress can leave our nervous systems stuck on overdrive, making us more reactive and pulling our attention toward the negative.
These biases combine like a cocktail of filters, tinting the way we see the world. Other thinking patterns, such as catastrophising, mind reading, and black and white thinking, also influence the stories we tell ourselves. So it’s little wonder our minds sometimes serve up a version that’s more trouble than truth.
What Can You Do About It?
Thoughts come and go, that is the nature of our brain. But it’s important to remember that you are in the driver’s seat. You get to decide how to respond when they arise. This is part of what’s known as metacognition, which simply means ‘thinking about your thinking’. Practicing this skill helps you observe your thoughts without getting swept away by them.
When an unhelpful thought shows up, I often encourage clients to ‘take it to court’. Ask yourself: Is it actually true? Do I have facts to back it up, or am I making assumptions? What would the evidence say if it were going the other way?
If a thought feels especially negative, try asking: What’s the opposite of this? Could that be true too? Notice how that alternative feels, maybe lighter, more hopeful, perhaps even optimistic.
It’s not about challenging every single thought. But the moment you start seeing them as just thoughts, not facts, you create a little space for perspective and more balanced ways of thinking.
If you’re ready to go a little deeper and see how shifting your thinking can help you break old habits and feel more positive and in control, I have a few spaces open for one-on-one coaching. You’re warmly invited to book a free discovery call to see if it feels like the right fit.
